As a general rule, I avoid buying into chain mails like the plaque. Most seem to be put together to get a rise out of you, some are inspirational, humorous and a few even have hints of truth.
For some reason, this one is different. Though I cannot confirm if the name of the author is genuine, or an alias, I really don’t care. It is the message that intrigues me. The articulate sarcasm of the content resonates with a sense of irony, and humor that strikes to the core of many patriotic conservatives.
Sometimes there is truth in humor.
DIVORCE AGREEMENT 2009
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950′s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU, and abortion clinics. Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell.
We’ll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms and rednecks. We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.
We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
We’ll practice trickledown economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand, Jane Fonda and Nancy Pelosi with you.
Chet,
I had received this very email from one of my “right-wing-extremist” friends, printed it out, but had misplaced it. I am so glad you put it here!
Humorous? Indeed. True? Absolutely.
Long Live the Republic.
This is great. With you all the way.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. Thanks for posting it; it says it all in a humorous, but very truthful way. It gets a thumbs up from me.
Mr. Wall,
You call yourself an American, which I find hard to believe after reading your diatribe.
When the previous conservative administration got us into one war for the right reasons, one war for the wrong reasons, gave Wall Street, the big banks and insurance companies a license to steal and then allowed massive debt to be piled high on our country and now you send me something that says the conservatives should just cut and run. What a showing of patriotic fervor by the one side of this country that has consistently put itself out as being the last bastion of true patriots in this country. What a crock of do-do the conservatives have been selling for now we see that they have no belief in the great constitutional system that we have. When you don’t get your way or you’re out of power, then you begin to act like little kids having a temper tantrum because you’re not getting your way. I’ve got a better idea than splitting up the country and it is as follows:
MOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE AND SET UP YOUR OWN RELIGIOUS BASED, NO TAXES, , GUN LOVING, HOMOPHOBIC, WAR MONGERING SYSTEM OF GOVERNMENT. IF YOU’RE NOT HAPPY HERE JUST PACK YOUR BAGS AND LEAVE. THAT IS WHAT IS GREAT ABOUT LIVING IN A FREE COUNTRY, YOU CAN JUST UP AND LEAVE AND GO WHEREVER YOUR HEART DESIRES. BY THE WAY, DON’T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE BACK.
Important Note: My description of the writer in noway is intended to malign or to be taken as disrespect for so many of our countrymen that suffer from mental disabilities.
Funny, while reading Doc Hills reply, only one thing stuck out at me. HOMOPHOBIC…..where did this topic come into play?? Maybe he took this a bit more personal than intended by original post? And then to have to state that your words are not intended to offend….we all know when you have to say, the original intention is there lol.
Imortant Note: My response/reply of the writer Doc Hill is intended to point out the obvious and I expect the above stated person to feel personal attacked as his reply showed he was earlier in the discussion. Difference is I could care less. Have a Blessed Day All.
Doc Hill writes, “MOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE AND SET UP YOUR OWN RELIGIOUS BASED, NO TAXES, , GUN LOVING, HOMOPHOBIC, WAR MONGERING SYSTEM OF GOVERNMENT. IF YOU’RE NOT HAPPY HERE JUST PACK YOUR BAGS AND LEAVE. THAT IS WHAT IS GREAT ABOUT LIVING IN A FREE COUNTRY…”
Let’s see the Majority of American’s love their freedoms it is those who want to take our liberties and freedoms away and want to live in a socialist, marxist or communistic country that need to LEAVE. There are many countries in the world who already subscribe to these ideologies. American is the only Country that never has and God Willing NEVER Does! We conservatives don’t want ‘the change” that comes with the current administration and are sick to death of hearing the past administration being blamed for everything while this administration is destroying our constitution!
Get real Doc Hill – get out of the past and see what is happening right in front of your face right now! Reality Check: The Liberals are are America’s enemy through and through! I refuse to tolerant of what should never be tolerated in any society. Political Correctness has run it’s course and is now dead in its tracks! I won’t be treaded on and I will defend my country from all enemies both foriegn and domestic – unfortunately there are as many domestic as there are foriegn! Don’t Tread on Me!!
America Loving Libertarian that I am! No More BIG Government!!!
Doc Hill,
Pound sand you limp-wristed liberal puppet.
I can’t believe people like you even exist. What a waste of good American air.
Sarcasm? Hardly. The author expresses my feelings exactly. We are so polarized that the only way we can get past the current disaster is to split the country in two. Of course, the liberals will never go for that, since their country would implode in hardly any time at all. But, it’s hard to see anything short of such a split resolving our differences.
The truth is we all have to just deal with each other, unless of course we allow states to ceceed (I think I’m spelling this wrong, but don’t want to go look it up, so just deal.) from the Union, which technically, according to the constitution is well within the states rights. That is what made the civil war illegal.
But the Federal government has flat out said that they will not allow any states to ceceed, so the people have to put up with each other, create a peaceful internal revolution (go Ron Paul!), or get downright bloody. There really is no other way. And that has been true with any overly corrupt government all through human history.
The truth is Doc Hill is right about what the Republican party did — even if he DID go off the deep end after that, and the truth also is that Obama is REALLY bad for our country also.
BOTH parties are F*&% us over and the Independents need to band together and kick the bastards out. ALL of them.
Over 80% of the people in this country are independents, and if we could also stop fighting with each other we could get something done. Even if it was only to get back to the basics of the Constitution.
i recently got divorced from my russian wife because she is a very irresponsible woman.`;`
Couldn’t be written any better. Reading this post reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thanks for sharing!
Divorce is always a bad news among married couples. Some couples just cannot iron out their differences.*’*
Divorce will always lead to depression and anger towards the other party. As much as possible avoid divorce`**
I did it manually before.. thanks a lot.